Psalm XXXVIII
7“For mine iniquities have lifted up my head; and are like a heavy burden too heavy for me to bear” (ver. 4). Here too he has placed the cause first, and the effect afterwards. What consequence followed, and from what cause, he has told us. “Mine iniquities have lift up mine head.” For no one is proud but the unrighteous man, whose head is lifted up. He is “lifted up,” whose “head is lifted up on high” against God. You heard when the lesson of the Book of Ecclesiasticus was read: “The beginning of pride is when a man departeth from God.” He who was the first to refuse to listen to the Commandment, “his head iniquity lifted up” against God. And because his iniquities have lifted up his head, what hath God done unto him? They are “like a heavy burden, too heavy for me to bear”! It is the part of levity to lift up the head, just as if he who lifts up his head had nothing to carry. Since therefore that which admits of being lifted up is light, it receives a weight by which it may be weighed down. For “his mischief returns upon his own head, and his violent dealing comes down upon his own pate.” “They are like a heavy burden, too heavy for me to bear.”
8“My wounds stink and are corrupt” (ver. 5). Now he who has wounds is not perfectly sound. Add to this, that the wounds “stink and are corrupt.” Wherefore do they “stink”? Because they are “corrupt:” now in what way this is explained in reference to human life, who doth not understand? Let a man but have his soul’s sense of smelling sound, he perceives how foully sins stink. The contrary to which stink of sin, is that savour of which the Apostle says, “We are the sweet savour of Christ unto God, in every place, unto them which be saved.” But whence is this, except from hope? Whence is this, but from our “calling the Sabbath to remembrance”? For it is a different thing that we mourn over in this life, from that which we anticipate in the other. That which we mourn over is stench, that which we reckon upon is fragrance. Were there not therefore such a perfume as that to invite us, we should never call the Sabbath to remembrance. But since, by the Spirit, we have such a perfume, as to say to our Betrothed, “Because of the savour of Thy good ointments we will run after Thee;” we turn our senses away from our own unsavourinesses, and turning ourselves to Him, we gain some little breathing-time. But indeed, unless our evil deeds also did smell rank in our nostrils, we should never confess with those groans, “My wounds stink and are corrupt.” And wherefore? “from the face of my foolishness.” From the same cause that he said before, “from the face of my sins;” from that same cause he now says, “from the face of my foolishness.”
9“I am troubled, I am bowed down even unto the end” (ver. 6). Wherefore was he “bowed down”? Because he had been “lifted up.” If thou art “humble, thou shalt be exalted;” if thou exaltest thyself, thou shalt be “bowed down;” for God will be at no loss to find a weight wherewith to bow thee down.…Let him groan on these things; that he may receive the other; let him “call the Sabbath to remembrance,” that he may deserve to arrive at it. For that which the Jews used to celebrate was but a sign. Of what thing was it the sign? Of that which he calls to remembrance, who saith, “I am troubled, and am bowed down even unto the end.” What is meant by even “unto the end”? Even to death.
“I go mourning all the day long.” “All day long,” that is, “without intermission.” By “all the day long,” he means, “all my life long.” But from what time hath he known it? From the time that he began to “call the Sabbath to remembrance.” For so long as he “calls to remembrance” what he no longer possesses, wouldest thou not have him “go mourning”? “All the day long have I gone mourning.”
10“For my soul is filled with illusions, and there is no soundness in my flesh” (ver. 7). Where there is the whole man, there there is soul and flesh both. The “soul is filled with illusions;” the flesh hath “no soundness.” What does there remain that can give joy? Is it not meet that one should “go mourning”? “All the day long have I gone mourning.” Let mourning be our portion, until our soul be divested of its illusions; and our body be clothed with soundness. For true soundness is no other than immortality. How great however are the soul’s illusions, were I even to attempt to express, when would the time suffice me? For whose soul is not subject to them? There is a brief particular that I will remind you of, to show how our soul is filled with illusions. The presence of those illusions sometimes scarcely permits us to pray. We know not how to think of material objects without images, and such as we do not wish, rush in upon the mind; and we wish to go from this one to that, and to quit that for another. And sometimes you wish to return to that which you were thinking of before, and to quit that which you are now thinking of; and a fresh one presents itself to you; you wish to call up again what you had forgotten; and it does not occur to you; and another comes instead which you would not have wished for. Where meanwhile was the one that you had forgotten? For why did it afterwards occur to you, when it had ceased to be sought after; whereas, while it was being sought for, innumerable others, which were not desired, presented themselves instead of it? I have stated a fact briefly; I have thrown out a kind of hint or suggestion to you, brethren, taking up which, you may yourselves suggest the rest to yourselves, and discover what it is to mourn over the “illusions” of our “soul.”
He hath received therefore the punishment of illusion; he hath forfeited Truth. For just as illusion is the soul’s punishment, so is Truth its reward.
But when we were set in the midst of these illusions, the Truth Itself came to us, and found us overwhelmed by illusions, took upon Itself our flesh, or rather took flesh from us; that is, from the human race. He manifested himself to the eyes of the Flesh, that He might “by faith” heal those to whom He was going to reveal the Truth hereafter, that Truth might be manifested to the now healed eye. For He is Himself “the Truth,”
which He promised unto us at that time, when His Flesh was to be seen by the eye, that the foundation might be laid of that Faith, of which the Truth was to be the reward. For it was not Himself that Christ showed forth on earth; but it was His Flesh that He showed. For had He showed Himself, the Jews would have seen and known Him; but had they “known Him, they would never have crucified the Lord of Glory.” But perhaps His disciples saw Him, when they said unto Him, “Show us the Father, and it sufficeth us;” and He, to show that it was not Himself that had been seen by them, added: “Have I been so long with you, and have ye not known Me, Philip? He that seeth Me, seeth the Father also.” If then they saw Christ, wherefore did they yet seek for the Father? For if it were Christ whom they saw, they would have seen the Father also. They did not therefore yet see Christ, who desired that the Father should be shown unto them. To prove that they did not yet see Him, hear that, in another place, He promised it by way of reward, saying, “He who loveth Me, keepeth My commandments; and whoso loveth Me, shall be loved of My Father; and I will love Him and” (as if it were said to Him, “what wilt Thou give unto him, as Thou lovest him?” He saith), “I will manifest Myself unto him.” If then He promises this by way of a reward unto them that love Him, it is manifest that the vision of the Truth, promised to us, is of such a nature, that, when we have seen it, we shall no longer say, “My soul is filled with illusions.”
11“I am become feeble, and am bowed down greatly” (ver. 8). He who calls to mind the transcendent height of the Sabbath, sees how “greatly” he is himself “bowed down.” For he who cannot conceive what is that height of rest, sees not where he is at present. Therefore another Psalm hath said, “I said in my trance, I am cast out of the sight of Thine eyes.” For his mind being taken up thither, he beheld something sublime; and was not yet entirely there, where what he beheld was; and a kind of flash, as it were, if one may so speak, of the Eternal Light having glanced upon him, when he perceived that he was not yet arrived at this, which he was able after a sort to understand, he saw where he himself was, and how he was cramped and “bowed down” by human infirmities. And he says, “I said in my trance, I am cast out of the sight of Thine eyes.” Such is that certain something which I saw in my trance, that thence I perceive how far off I am, who am not already there. He was already there who said that he was “caught up into the third Heaven, and there heard unspeakable words, which it is not lawful for a man to utter.” But he was recalled to us, in order that, as requiring to be made perfect, he might first mourn his infirmity, and afterwards be clothed with might. Yet encouraged for the ministration of his office by having seen somewhat of those things, he goes on saying, “I heard unspeakable words, which it is not lawful for a man to utter.” Now then what use is it for you to ask, either of me or of any one, the “things which it is not lawful for man to utter.” If it was not lawful for him to utter them, to whom is it lawful to hear them? Let us however lament and groan in Confession; let us own where we are; let us “call the Sabbath to remembrance,” and wait with patience for what He has promised, who hath, in His own Person also, showed forth an example of patience to us. “I am become feeble, and bowed down greatly.”