Psalm XXXIX
7“And the number of my days, what it is.” I ask of “the number of my days, what it is.” I can speak of “number” without number, and understand “number without number,” in the same sense as “years without years” may be spoken of. For where there are years, there is a sort of “number” at all events, also. But yet, “Thou art the same, and Thy years shall not fail.” “Make me to know the number of my days;” but “to know what it is.” What then? that number in which thou art, think you that it “is” not? Assuredly, if I weigh the matter well, it has no being; if I linger behind, it has a sort of being; if I rise above it, it has none. If, shaking off the trammels of these things, I contemplate things above, if I compare things that pass away with those that endure, I see what has a true being, and what rather seems to be, than really is. Should I say that these days of mine “are;” and shall I rashly apply this word so full of meaning to this course of things passing away? To such a degree have I my own self almost ceased to “be, failing” as I am in my weakness, that He escaped from my memory, who said, “ I AM HE THAT IS.” Hath then any number of days any existence? In truth it hath, and it is “number without end.”…Everything is swept on by a series of moments, fleeting by, one after the other; there is a torrent of existences ever flowing on and on; a “torrent,” of which He “drank in the way,” who hath now “lift up His Head.” These days then have no true being; they are gone almost before they arrive; and when they are come, they cannot continue; they press upon one another, they follow the one the other, and cannot check themselves in their course.
Of the past nothing is called back again; what is yet to be, is expected as something to pass away again: it is not as yet possessed, whilst as yet it is not arrived; it cannot be kept when once it has arrived. He asks then concerning “the number of his days, which is;” not that which is “not:” and (which confounds me by a still greater and more perplexing difficulty) at once “is,” and “is not.” We can neither say that “is,” which does not continue; nor that it “is not,” when it has come and is passing. It is that absolute “ IS,” that true “ IS,” that “ IS ”
in the true sense of the word, that I long for; that “ IS;” which “is” in that “Jerusalem” which is “the Bride” of my Lord; where there will not be death, there will not be failing; there will be a day that passeth not away, but continueth: which has neither a yesterday to precede it, nor a to-morrow pressing close upon it. This “number of my days, which is,” this (I say), “make Thou me to know.”
8“That I may know what is wanting to me.” For while I am struggling here, “this” is wanting unto me: and so long as it is wanting unto me, I do not call myself perfect. So long as I have not received it, I say, “not that I have already attained, either am already perfect; but I am pressing towards the prize of God’s high calling.” This let me receive as the prize of my running the race! There will be a certain resting-place, to terminate my course; and in that resting-place there will be a Country, and no pilgrimage, no dissension, no temptation. Make me then to know “this number of my days, which is, that I may know what is wanting unto me;” because I am not there yet; lest I should be made proud of what I already am, that “I may be found in Him, not having mine own righteousness.”
9. “Behold, thou hast made my days old” (ver. 5). For these days are “waxing old.” I long for new days “that never shall wax old,” that I may say, “Old things have passed away; behold, things are become new.” Already new in hope; then in reality. For though, in hope and in faith, made new already, how much do we even now do after our old nature! For we are not so completely “clothed upon” with Christ, as not to bear about with us anything derived from Adam. Observe that Adam is “waxing old” within us, and Christ is being “renewed” in us. “Though our outward man is perishing, yet is our inward man being renewed day by day.” Therefore, while we fix our thoughts on sin, on mortality, on time, that is hastening by, on sorrow, and toil, and labour, on stages of life following each other in succession, and continuing not, passing on insensibly from infancy even to old age; whilst, I say, we fix our eyes on these things, let us see here “the old man,” the “day that is waxing old;” the Song that is out of date; the Old Testament; when however we turn to the inner man, to those things that are to be renewed in place of these which are to be changed, let us find the “new man,” the “new day,” the “new song,” the “New Testament;” and that “newness,” let us so love, as to have no fears of its “waxing old.”…This man, therefore, who is hasting forward to those things which are new, and “reaching forward to those things which are before,” says, “Lord, make me to know mine end, and the number of my days, which really is, that I may know what is wanting unto me.” See he still drags with him Adam; and even so he is hasting unto Christ. “Behold,” saith he, “thou hast made my days old.” It is those days that are derived from Adam, those days, I say, that thou hast made old. They are waxing old day by day: and so waxing old, as to be at some day or other consumed also. “And my substance is as nothing before Thee.” “Before Thee, O Lord, my substance is as nothing.” “Before Thee;” who seest this; and I too, when I see it, see it only when “before Thee.”
When “before men” I see it not. For what shall I say? What words shall I use to show, that which I now am is nothing in comparison of That which truly “ IS ”? But it is within that it is said; it is within that it is felt, so far as it is felt. “Before Thee, O Lord,” where Thine eyes are; and not where the eyes of men are. And where Thine eyes are, what is the state of things? “That which I am is as nothing.”
10“But, verily, every man living is altogether vanity.” “But, verily.” For what was he saying above? Behold, I have already “leaped beyond” all mortal things, and despised things below, have trampled under foot the things of earth, have soared upwards to the delights of the law of the Lord, I have been afloat in the dispensation of the Lord, have yearned for that “End” which Itself is to know no end, have yearned for the number of my days that truly “is,” because the number of days like these hath no real being. Behold, I am already such a one as this; I have already overleaped so much; I am longing for those things which abide. “But verily,” in the state in which I am here, so long as I am here, so long as I am in this world, so long as I bear mortal flesh, so long as the life of man on earth is a trial, so long as I sigh among causes of offence, as long as while I “stand” I am in “fear lest I fall,” as long as both my good and my ill hangs in uncertainty, “every man living is altogether vanity.”…
11“Albeit man walketh in the Image” (ver. 6). In what “Image,” save that of Him who said, “Let Us make man in Our Image, after Our Likeness.” “Albeit man walks in the Image.” For the reason he says “albeit,” is, that this is some great thing. And this “albeit” is followed by “nevertheless,” that the “albeit” which you have already heard, should relate to what is beyond the sun; but this “nevertheless,” which is to follow, to what is “under the sun,” and that the one should relate to the Truth, the other to “vanity.” “Albeit,” then, “that man walketh in the Image, nevertheless he is disquieted in vain.” Hear the cause of his “disquieting,” and see if it be not a vain one; that thou mayest trample it under foot, that thou mayest “leap beyond it,” and mayest dwell on high, where that “vanity” is not. What “vanity” is that? “He heapeth up riches, and knoweth not for whom he may be gathering them together.” O infatuated vanity! “Blessed is the man that maketh the Lord his trust, and hath not respected vanities, nor lying deceits.”
To you indeed, O covetous man, to you I seem to be out of my senses, these words appear to you to be “old wives’ tales.” For you, a man of great judgment, and of great prudence, to be sure, are daily devising methods of acquiring money, by traffic, by agriculture, by eloquence perhaps, by making yourself learned in the law, by warfare, perhaps you even add that of usury. Like a shrewd man as you are, you leave nothing untried, whereby you may pile coin on coin; and may store it up more carefully in a place of secrecy. You plunder others; you guard against the plunderer; you are afraid lest you should yourself suffer the wrong, that you yourself do; and even what you do suffer, does not correct you.…Examine your own heart, and that prudence of yours, which leads you to deride me, to think me out of my senses for saying these things: and tell me now, “You are heaping up treasures; for whom are you gathering them together?” I see what you would tell me; as if what you would say had not occurred to the person described here; you will say, I am keeping them for my children? This is the voice of parental affection; the excuse of injustice. “I am keeping them” (you say) “for my children.” So then you are keeping them for your children, are you? Did not Idithun then know this? Assuredly he did; but he reckoned it one of the things of the “old days,”